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From: Alan Badmington (to Jack)
Date: 11 Oct 2005
Time: 16:59:59 -0500
Remote Name: 84.66.51.112
Hi Jack, Reading aloud in class, and speaking in front of groups, invariably gave me cause for concern. Once I experienced a few problems in those situations, I began to anticipate that the same thing would always happen. In other words, my belief that I could not speak in those situations influenced my thoughts. When I was at school, I didn’t appreciate the implications of avoidance. I didn’t realise that every time I avoided reading/speaking in class, the fear took an even greater hold upon me. In those days, we didn’t have the Internet – conferences such as this were non-existent. There were no stuttering organisations like we have today, and there was not much information about stuttering available to the general public. I was virtually alone – I did what I considered was best for me at that time. I avoided reading/speaking in class. With hindsight, I don’t think that I made the correct decision. By opting out, I strengthened the fear and avoidance strategies. I really wish that I had faced my fears head-on when they first surfaced – but I didn’t have anyone to turn to. It’s pointless looking back now and saying “If only I’d...”, because I can’t change what I did. I never dwell on things that happened in the past - I would only be wasting time and energy. As I’ve grown older, I’ve gained a far better understanding of what my stuttering involved. I only wish that someone had told me (when I was younger) that avoidance leads to further avoidance. Well, that’s what happened with me. If I had read/spoken aloud in class when I was a child, then maybe my stuttering would not have escalated and taken such a hold on my life. What can be done to help you read in class? Maybe you can practise reading aloud at home in front of members of your own family? Maybe, you might invite some of your friends around so that you could do the same? I found that when I rehearsed something beforehand – when I went over and over a particular speech, or passage, then I seemed to have less problems when it came to ‘real thing’. I would also record it on a tape recorder so that I could hear how I sounded. Sometimes, I would almost learn it off by heart. Knowing what I was going to say helped me considerably – I found that I spoke with greater confidence. The advantage of listening to yourself speak on tape is that you can change it if it doesn’t sound quite right. Today, I don’t need to rehearse before a speech – I simply let myself go and have fun. How do you change your mindset about speaking situations? Well, in my particular case, I constantly told myself (maybe 5-10 times a day) that I could do it. I would say something like “I am a confident speaker" or "I can speak well in any situation.” These are called affirmations. The purpose of saying them is to convince our subconscious that we can do something – maybe a specific task. Over a period of time, I started to believe what I was telling myself. That’s the way in which positive affirmations work. But it wasn’t just about using affirmations; I combined those with many other approaches. If I had to give a talk (or presentation), then I would also use ‘creative visualization’. I would spend time creating a mental picture of myself speaking in the forthcoming situation. I would ‘see and hear’ myself standing in front of the audience. I would make it REAL; I would feel the atmosphere in the room. I would see the tables and chairs; hear the background noises; visualise the group of people; and ‘see and hear’ myself speaking in the manner that I wished. I always made it a positive outcome. By creating such a picture in my mind, I was also able to enjoy the emotions and feelings – just as though the image and experience was ‘real’. Yes, I actually felt the elation and confident feeling. It was very powerful. I was also creating a positive self-image of myself as a public speaker – I was sowing the positive seeds. I needed to see myself in that role before I could incorporate it within my wider (and new) self-image. If a negative thought came into my head, I immediately banished it to the trash can and replaced it with a positive thought. Negative self-talk (the way in which we speak to ourselves) can be so damaging. I have previously mentioned in my earlier responses to this paper that WE (and WE alone) are responsible for the thoughts that we choose to retain in our heads. We don’t have to hold onto a negative thought – if we do, then it is because WE choose to do so. I also found it useful to think about previous successful speaking situations. It’s called ‘anchoring’. What I did was to re-live past occasions when I had spoken with confidence. I made the pictures more colourful and loud. When I did this, I recreated the confident feelings that I had experienced when it had earlier occurred in real life. Using this technique, I was able to enter into speaking situations/give presentations -feeling confident and relaxed. Most PWS are able to recall memories of when they spoke confidently. I found it was a great confidence booster to ‘anchor’ on these positive speaking incidents immediately prior to a particular speaking event. It put me in the right frame of mind. Jack, I’d like to stress that when I write (or talk) about my experiences, I never suggest that other PWS should do the same. What worked for me may not be successful for others. We are all unique. I merely tell my story. If others feel that they would like to try out something similar, then that’s fine. But, it has to be their choice. May I respectfully suggest that you print off this response and discuss it with Judy Butler. Although I have never met Judy in person, we have communicated with each other over a period of years. She is an excellent SLP, who possesses a particular expertise of working with children and young people. She would, of course, be familiar with your personal circumstances and, therefore, in a position to decide whether or not to recommend that you should consider using any of the approaches that I have discussed. I really urge you to talk things over with her before making any decisions. I’m sorry that I’ve been a little long-winded, but the thoughts continued to come as I sat at the keyboard. I wish you every success with whatever you decide to do in life. Many of the papers in this conference relate to persons who have achieved so much, despite their speech difficulties. I hope that you will find encouragement from their efforts. Take care Alan